Senegal was a hard trip for me, as you may be able to tell from my other travel diaries. Don't get me wrong, I loved every minute of it, but my heart wasn't in it 100% - it was distracted I suppose.
These kind of posts are always hard to publish, and I procrastinate on it for a long time - but something in me, I don't know what, feels like it's important to tell the truth wherever I'm free to. Heaven forbid anyone should read here and despair at the imperfections of their own life in comparison to mine. Some of my life experiences I wouldn't wish on anyone, but because I know we all hide the worst of what we've been through, it makes me feel a bit better to get it out in the open for other people to connect with.
11 February 2016
on the road somewhere
No one in life is immune to those moments that level everything to the ground. The day your kids are born, the day you lose a loved one - those moments that happen in a second but light your life on fire to clear out the old and make way for new things. Some of them make you feel alive, some of them make you feel broken, all of them are exhausting.
I miss my stepfather almost every day. Working in Senegal this past week I wish I could call him and tell to him all my troubles and insecurities about the work I do and I know he would understand better than anyone.
He would tell me funny stories about his years working as a foreign correspondent. He would tell me about his hard times as a journalist covering conflict and the human condition, and he would just get it without me having to explain - after all he set me on this course, and I wouldn't be here in Africa today if it weren't for his advice.
But I know what he would say today on the anniversary of his death, "this too shall pass". It's probably something he had to tell himself a hundred times, he was always having to say it to me, anyway.
He was my great leveler. One of them at least.
I wish he could have listened to his own words at the end of his life when he made the decision to end it on his own terms, but wherever he is now I hope he found the peace he so much needed. No one deserves it more.