sometimes i feel its not that simple. my biggest fear lately is that i'm calling situations all wrong, that i think people are ok with something or i think what i say or do is ok at the time, and then when i look back i think "oh, maybe i shouldn't have done that - i think i've really upset so-and-so". like, giving someone advice when i realise they haven't asked for it, or taking pictures of someone for my blog and realising afterwards that they may not have wanted me to and i've really invaded their privacy.
other people have different rules for whats acceptable and i find it so hard to navigate them.
it's mortifying. you know when you have an accident, like when you're cooking and you cut your finger with a knife, and what causes you to feel horrible is not that you cut your finger, it's thinking how bad it could have been if you hadn't managed to catch the knife before it went further? horrible, isn't it? well that's how i've been feeling lately, ALL THE TIME. i've been walking away from a situation and imagining that i've overstepped the mark, and imagining all of the things that i've made people feel by my behaviour: embarrassment, annoyance, anger, frustration, boredom, offence...
i feel like i've developed some sort of awful social anxiety lately and its really just no fun at all. everything i do has become cringe-worthy.