I had originally written this post on Saturday night, sitting in my hotel room in Nairobi, waiting for my flight home. I'm glad I didn't post it because it is just too dark, and quite frankly it makes me cry. But I still want to say something about what I was thinking that night, because this is a lifestyle blog about me and what I do, think and feel, and while I try to stay cheerful, it would be a complete false representation of my life if I didn't occasionally mention the difficult stuff. So here goes.
This picture above means a lot to me. Believe it or not it's the unbearably sad representation of what I experienced on my last trip to Kenya. This time around I came across some things I wish I hadn't. My job means that I see a lot of animals who are subjected to poor welfare standards, but I have never seen such atrocious things as I did on this trip.
This poor dog is terrified, and with good reason. What its owner did to it after I took this picture does not bear writing about, but it was mild in comparison to some of the pain I saw other animals experiencing last week. The suffering that I came across over the last five days I'm afraid will stay imprinted on my mind forever.
For the first time ever I stopped to consider if I can continue doing what I do. I quite literally cannot stand the pain sometimes. Every time I see an animal suffering, I take personal responsibility for it, it's just what happens whether rational or not. And the guilt I feel when I am unable to do anything never goes away, and it sits so heavy within me sometimes. But I know I won't stop, and giving up never helped anyone. Change is happening in animal welfare, slowly but surely things are getting better. And staying positive is so important, and I'm getting better at that all the time.
I know some of you who follow my blog have animals. Please, for me, go and give them a cuddle and be thankful that they ended up with you, and are safe and loved. And never let them go.
P.s. I promise not to blog about the hard stuff too often. This is meant to be a happy place and I want to keep it that way.